Not This Time
by This.Second.Smile
Summary: Set after “Fear Her”. Read if you’re dreading Rose’s departure… I think this is a slightly optimistic view on it! if there is such a thing


**I guess this is an attempt at angst. I was just thinking over this scene in my head and it made me feel a bit teary (my life will END with series two, sob) and this is what happened when I tried to translate it into words… try and picture it in your head…and imagine that sad piano-y music that they play (think end of series 1!)**

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Rose knew something was wrong.

She could read the signs, almost imperceptible to someone who didn't know him. The way his body was slightly tensed, hunched; his mouth set, eyebrows scrunched up in a fraction of a frown.

It's amazing how he can wipe all her fears away with one flash of that dazzling smile. The one that makes her heart sing, puts her in the spotlight, makes her feel like she's the most special person in the world.

All except for this time. Because deep down, she feels the storm coming, too.

The mood is subdued, although neither mentions it. It's late and they've had a long, happy day watching the Olympic Games, but Rose doesn't feel ready for bed. She can't forget the night before. _Something's coming_.

They find a sofa and sit down together to watch a film, snuggling up to eachother a little closer than they usually would. It's a Disney. Animation for him, fairytale romance for her. The hero and heroine stand together, framed by a sunset… The view narrows in as they kiss.

The screen fades to black as the credits begin to roll, and the TV set quietly turns itself off. The Doctor sets his teacup down on the table with a tiny sigh.

Rose would normally move now, say goodnight and leave the Doctor to his night-time wanderings, but not now. She listens to the double rhythm of his hearts, and doesn't think she can bear to relinquish this wonderful closeness. So she snuggles even closer, tucking her head under his chin.

"Doctor…what's wrong?" She doesn't even know why she bothers; he won't tell her.

"What's wrong with what?" The Doctor closes his eyes, thinking how nice it would be to fall asleep here with Rose in his arms.

"Don't be like that." She's tried numerous times to get him to open up, sometimes a casual remark which she hopes will lead to a reply, but sometimes a direct question. The ones that he avoids. She cares about him too much to probe too deeply into his past, but it still hurts when he closes up.

"You're worrying me." Her slightly pleading tone doesn't work; the topic is almost taboo between them. But tonight she needs to talk, so she tries a more direct approach.

"Doctor what would you do if I died?" She feels him recoil, sees the distance in his eyes even though his expression doesn't change. She sits up and faces him, demanding an answer.

"Any day we could lose eachother. There's so much stuff that could go wrong, if you stop and think about the danger we get into… I could die or you could, but then if you regenerated – "

"Rose, I'd still be the same person underneath!" The Doctor sounds a little anxious. " I wouldn't…I'd still… nothing between us would have to change."

"I know," she says softly. A pause. "You haven't answered my question. "

"Jackie would kill me." Humour is always his escape. But this time Rose doesn't want to play games.

"We can pretend it's never gonna happen," she says, suddenly finding her eyes stung with tears, "But... like you said, this isn't gonna last forever however much we want it to."

She feels a tear run down her face and her voice wobbles, but she carries on. "In all the time I've been with you…god, I dunno even how long it's been –" She smiles fleetingly, "but it doesn't matter. In all that time I've done more things and better things, _seen_ more things than I've done in my whole life."

"And you know what Doctor?" Rose holds him firmly, staring into his eyes as she fights her tears. "If I had to choose between carrying on with my old life, and goin' with you, even if I knew I was gonna die – doesn't matter when," she says emphatically as he opens his mouth to speak, "I'd go with you. Everytime."

"'Cos being with you, meeting you, was the best thing that ever happened to me."

The Doctor's jaw clenches, his eyes dangerously red-rimmed. "You… you're _so, so _special, you know that?" His mouth twitches in an almost automatic smile.

Rose smiles back. "So are you."

He can only look at her. Words can't express how he feels. But they don't have to; she already knows. "What would I do without you, Rose?"

"Simple." It's strange, she thinks, to be talking of her own death like this. Yet she feels concern for the Doctor's future only. "You'll find another companion…someone who needs you." _Just as much as I do._

"Someone who needs to be shown the universe – someone whose life needs to be changed." _Just like mine was._

She sits up suddenly, and holds his face in her hands. "You gotta promise me, Doctor, that when I'm gone…'cos I will be gone one day –" He blinks, eyes closing for a long second. "That you move on."

The Doctor's voice is strained. "I could never forget you, Rose Tyler."

"You won't have to." She leans forward, looks into his eyes, and places a kiss on his lips.

"There's people out there who need you. You gotta go out, savin' people, savin' planets…what you do best."

"Not without you." His voice threatens to break.

"Just 'cos I won't be standing there beside you, holdin' your hand… it doesn't mean…" She has to breathe deeply, fighting to keep that smile for him.

"I know it sounds stupid… but when I was little an' I asked Mum where Dad was, she always used to say that he was always out there somewhere, watchin' us… that the dead live on, an' all that."

He can see it in her eyes. "I know, Doctor. I've had the time vortex running through me… I _know_. And I'll be out there, somewhere, too." She manages a teary grin. "You'll never get rid of me that easily, anyway."

She feels suddenly exhausted, and leans back into him as he hugs her close. "Oh Rose," he breathes, "You've grown up so much."

"It's coming, isn't it." She closes her eyes. "The end." His answer is to kiss her; a long, slow, gentle kiss that lets her know that it's going to be alright.

They fall asleep in eachothers arms. The storm is coming, but they can forget reality for one more night.

Because whatever happens, they will always go together.

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Dry your eyes guys, and hope that one day Billie will return!**


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